Being Elusive in an Always on World
Plus: Restaurant Anticipation Strategies, Getting Into the Premier League
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*The algorithms must love these viral challenges. It’s something that only their platforms can create, it encourages community building on the platform (IOW, not leaving), and…sinister plot to enhance facial recognition?
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This week, we’ll be talking about the idea of elusivity in an increasingly public world, upscale pizza and NYC restaurant strategies, and what Premier League soccer team you should root for if/when you inevitably start watching soccer.
PS - scroll to the bottom for upcoming standup dates!
PPS - I take it some people might be here for certain topics, but not others. Please scroll to what you want!
Being Elusive in An Always-On World
I’ve been working my way through Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power. I’ve found it to be a thorough dissection of very valuable truths, while simultaneously being a great guide for turning into a sociopath. As Greene constantly notes, the layers to power are truly endless, and it’s really a fascinating topic to study given that power games are ever-present in nearly every aspect of life.
One thing that has stuck with me is the common theme of elusiveness. Law #4 is “Always Say Less Than Necessary,”Law #16 is “Use Absence to Increase Strength and Honor,” and Law 17 is “Keep Others Suspended in Terror, Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability.” The laws in some part, all focus on lurking behind the scenes, and being incredibly selective as to when you “reveal yourself.”
In 2019, these ideas seem to be distinctly out of fashion. I’ve particularly noticed this in the standup comedy world, but I imagine it applies to a lot of industries. The more active and visible you are (read: constantly posting on social media with some sort of calculated end goal, constantly projecting a certain image of yourself, constantly talking up things regardless of your ability to deliver), the better a chance you have to be recognized and the better chance you have of “making it”—or whatever your end goal is.
When I used to write articles that I now mostly regret for various internet publications, this seemed to be the logic—volume ruled over considerations of quality and gradual development, which generally took a backseat to virality and shareability (this wasn’t just the dictums of the places I was contenting for; this was, and seemingly still is, the industry standard). So the more I wrote with these industry-backed aims in mind, the more tempting it was to sacrifice my own, unique voice—or at the very least, the development of it—in service of what would satisfy the collective voice, which would improve my standing at the publication and feed the never-satisfied corporate beast.
The deeper in I got, the more important it became to speak to the collective voice that is simultaneously everyone-yet-no one, and gear all writing toward that. By not focusing on my own voice, the less valuable I made my own voice, which thus reduced my individual power. Eventually I realized what was happening, and sought to slowly remove myself from this unintentional creative leeching. When I finally did, it felt about as good as when you finish running the mile in 6th grade gym class, and can finally plop down on the grass. (It doesn’t even matter that this grass has geese poop all over it! Anything’s better than running that mile.)
With standup, I’ve striven to take the opposite approach. Never give yourself, that unique thing that you might have, to them. Them, in this case, doesn’t mean you, awesome reader, it means the ever-changing whims of the bloodthirsty industry. If a certain style of comedy is popular, or a certain type of posturing could lead to short term success, if it isn’t within the realm of what I am doing, I’ve refused to move towards it in any form whatsoever.
What I’ve learned is that this is deeply satisfying on a personal level—I am doing what I want and have never felt that slow, painful, internal death that you feel when you compromise your soul for business interests that don’t give a f@#$ about you. But I’ve also learned that it could potential end in obscurity. In order to move forward, you need to somewhat “play the game.” (Greene’s Rule #18: Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself: Isolation is Dangerous)
Says Greene “extend the law of scarcity to your own skills. Make what you are offering the world rare and hard to find, and you instantly increase its value.”
Alright. Time work go work on that bit about ordering guac at Chipotle.
Are You a Look at the Menu Person or Do You Go In Blind?
Whenever I go out to eat, I like to know as little as possible about the restaurant. Type of cuisine, price point, and general ambiance are really the only things I want to know. This way, when we get to the place, the experience is a bit more total. I find that I’m mentally and physically more engaged if I’m reacting to new information at the place where that information is most relevant. In an age where it seems like the entire economy is based on you removing yourself from the present moment to look at the newest line of ~SmartClogs~ (footwear with new, patented technology that is able to quantify how much fun you are having every time you put them on) it seems more important than ever to actually be where you are.
My fiance Kate usually opts for the opposite approach. She prefers to look at the menu beforehand, citing the gradually budding joy that comes from anticipation. If you look at the menu in the morning, then you have all day to look forward to the evening, which arguably makes the experience more total in a different way—it’s with you longer, and I’d imagine you have a more proper crescendo into the actual experience. According to present science, this anticipatory approach might be right from an overall happiness standpoint—at least relative to material purchases.
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Last Friday, Kate and I went to an upscale pizza place, the type that seems more and more common in New York City nowadays. It opened relatively recently, a few blocks from our apartment in a space that was formerly a coffee shop that gave us both, and I quote, “bad vibes.” Because the space clearly needed to be saged (I have no idea what saging entails, but I have learned that this is the most proper way to get rid of “bad vibes”), combined with the fact that it’s about $25 for pizza (!), neither of us felt any need to funnel our money to this venture.
Yet, this past Friday, it was freezing and we had planned a date night, so we decided that this was the most opportune moment to check it out.
In short. We loved it. The pizza was, quite possibly, actually “the best.” I can go into the flavor profiles, but I really have no idea what I’m talking about, and I always find it amazing when non professional food people talk about food as if they have any sort of clue. Even typing the phrase “flavor profile” feels a bit too ambitious. But the pizza, being incredible as it was, was really only half the story. The bad vibes, clearly removed from a proper saging, made way to an environment that was hypnotically delightful. The waiter was unbelievably professional and knowledgeable, but in a way that sort of let you in on all of the fun. The salad he pitched us was tremendous. So was the desert. The restaurant wasn’t exactly spacious—a true impossibility with rent realities—but the design had enough care and consideration that you weren’t dining on top of each other. As you, dear reader, may very well know, going to a nicer restaurant in NYC can often entail spending quite a bit of money to eavesdrop on a neighboring conversation about divorce logistics.
Because the restaurant world is largely driven by status (a generalization for sure, but feels like there’s enough truth here to not have to elaborate for now), I’ve noticed that a lot of times, “hot” or “aspiring to be hot” restaurants can often employ a too-cool-for-school attitude. It’s as if you should be grateful to be there—and if you’re not be someone who can visibly raise the restaurants profile (by not being some celebrity, model, big business person or #influencer), you are wasting valuable space. It’s an undeniably rude approach, which is able to withstand, at least as long as that specific restaurant is hot, through basic laws of supply and demand. But it also feels like a zero-sum game. And yes, New York has long been built on rudeness, but this rudeness is not the fun type. (To truly excel at classic New York rudeness, nobody can be above the fray.)
Conversely, it’s amazing how memorable a place can be when there’s a clear culture of being nice, commitment to quality, and careful consideration of experience. I for one, can’t wait to go again. Even though I now know everything on the menu.
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Curious minds: This was Una Pizzeria Napoletana
Which English Premier League Team Should You Root For?
I’m a soccer person now. I caught the bug during the World Cup, and continued onward into the English Premier League season. Almost immediately, my previous reservations—namely that Americans who watch soccer are generally insufferable and condescending in their endorsement of the sport—vanished. Not that the former isn’t true, it’s just that soccer is just too good. The sport is exciting and the off the field stuff has too many layers.
ALSO, and this is a logistical point that cannot be overlooked: soccer is generally on in the morning, which is a significantly superior time to watch sports. You get your sports fix in without it getting the way in your life, which enables you to remain a properly functioning adult. You know those guys whose girlfriends break up with them because he couldn’t attend her dad’s retirement party because the 4-6 Jets were squaring off against the 4-6 Bengals? With soccer, no more.
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While the Champions League and World Cup are a huge deal, the year-in, year-out grind is each country’s respective club league. The English Premier League (EPL) is the most watched league in the world (by a potential 4.7 BILLION people!), and is making major, major headway into the United States. If and when soccer fever hits the United States, it will be by and large through both the EPL and the homegrown MLS.
There are 20 teams in the Premier League. The winner gets eternal glory, and the top four each year qualify for the next year’s Champions League. The bottom feeders—in the EPL’s case, the bottom 3—get demoted to the league below—in this case, England’s second-highest league, the EFL Championship—and the top 3 in the EFL get promoted to the EPL. So there are major stakes both at the top and the bottom; not just for reputation, but for money, which is hugely important for these clubs, and is something I am not expertly versed enough in to talk about.
OK. So. As I’ve learned relatively recently, in the English Premier League, there’s what’s been dubbed the Big 6, and then everyone else. The Big 6 traditionally finish at the top of the table, and have the money and prestige to continually do so. There’s a huge argument of whether this is good for soccer, but this is the reality.
If you’re new to the EPL, a good way to start is to familiarize yourself with these squads, and perhaps, move towards one to root for. I am currently undergoing this process, and after diving in deeply for six months, here’s what I’ve learned:
Manchester United
Historically the Yankees, but recently, due to a confluence of factors that seem to have a lot to do with ego, have become upstart underdogs of sorts.
You Should Root for Man U if: You like teams with extremely high expectations, that often aren’t met because those expectations are impossible.
Current Standing: Tied for 5th
Current Notable Players:
Paul Pogba: French center midfielder who played a huge role in leading France to the World Cup. He’s largely considered one of the most skilled and talented midfielders in the world. Midfielders in soccer are kind of like a combination of quarterback in football and point guard in basketball. So maybe he’s like Philip Rivers combined with in-his-prime Rajon Rondo?
David de Gea: Spanish goalkeeper. Along with Liverpool’s Alisson, considered the best goalkeeper around. He beat Tottenham almost single-handedly on Sunday, with 11 saves (that is a ton, and several were truly spectacular) en route to a 1-0 win.
Arsenal
For 21 years, their manager was a French guy named Arsène Wegner (yes, Arsenal’s manager was named Arsène!). He just retired and their new manager is Unai Emery, who reminds me of a more strategically inclined Count Chocula.
Current Standing: Tied for 5th
You should root for Arsenal if: You like their cool logo. You play FIFA a lot and choose them because they’re the first Premier league choice in FIFA. You want an underdog that also wins enough. Tu aiment l’homme francais Thierry Henry. (I’m learning French on Duolingo. Je suis desolee.)
Current Notable Players:
Pierre-Eric Aubameyang: Dynamic striker and currently tied for the overall lead in goals scored in the Premier league. This guy scores a lot of goals, and has been hugely important for keeping them in the hunt this year.
Mesut Ozil: German attacking midfielder/winger. There has been a fair amount of drama with him recently. He signed a big contract, but doesn’t necessarily fit with the long-term plans of Emery.
Chelsea
The biggest development with Chelsea is that they just signed 20 year-old Hershey, Pennsylvania native Christian Pulisic for $73 million, the largest transfer fee for an American by a longshot. The big bet is that Pulisic will be really good, and really help galvanize the club’s popularity in one of the largest emerging markets, the U$$$$A.
Current Standing: 4th
You Should Root for Chelsea If: Pulisic is your guy. You like their manager, the Italian Maurizio “is it too late now to say” Sarri, and his trademark Sarri-ball. I am not exactly sure what this is, but it’s the style that they play.
Current Notable Players:
Pulisic: Is joining Chelsea in the summer, so will be on the squad starting next season.
Eden Hazard: Considered one of the most dangerous goal scorers in the game. With Pulisic and Hazard, they could be deadly. However, he might be gone come summer. His contract is up this summer and the rumor mill is swirling toward Real Madrid.
N’Golo Kante: Le footballeur francais, Kante was another instrumental force in helping France win the World Cup. He plays defensive midfield for Chelsea, doesn’t stop running, and was considered the reason Leicester City won the Premier League in 2015-2016 at 5,000/1.
Tottenham Hotspur
Colloquially known as the Spurs, this is the third of the London triumvirate of power teams (alongside Chelsea and Arsenal). This is the team that English national captain Harry Kane is on. Harry Kane, if you remember, had a great showing in the World Cup, despite looking like he wouldn’t be good at any sport whatsoever. In fact, Harry Kane is widely considered not to be great at any one facet at the game, but is above average in pretty much everything, and is without a doubt one of the best goal scorers around.
Current Standing: 3rd—they are likely to drop though. Kane is out for over a month, at least, with an injured ankle. And their other major goal-scorer, Son Heung-Min, is out for the next five games while he plays for South Korea in the 2019 Asian Cup.
You Should Root for Tottenham if: You like a team that competes, but probably won’t win everything due to operating on a (comparative) shoe-string budget. You like to embark on major projects, and then have them be delayed for a seemingly indefinite amount of time.
Current Notable Players:
Harry Kane: Tied for EPL lead in goals scored, although will likely drop w/ injury. Cool thing about Kane, he grew up 15 minutes from Tottenham’s training ground.
Son Heung-Min: A very dangerous player with the ball who creates chances and can finish well. Check out this goal he scored against Chelsea.
Christian Eriksen: Danish national and attacking midfielder who is considered their offensive maestro. He’s been linked to Real Madrid, so he could follow the footsteps of former Tottenham standouts Gareth Bale and Luka Modric in leaving for the storied Spanish squad.
Manchester City
You might have heard about Manchester United, but for the past few seasons, Manchester City have been considered the far superior team. In 2008 they were purchased by Abu Dhabi United Group, who has invested a ton of money into the club, which has resulted in them becoming extremely good. Last year, the won the Premier League, breaking the record for most points in a season. They’re trailing Liverpool by four points at the time of writing this, but are still considered the favorites.
Current Standing: 2nd
You should root for Manchester City if: You want to watch the team that’s widely considered the most exciting team to watch. You enjoy their manager, Pep Guardiola, whose all-encompassing charisma makes him two steps removed from a cult leader.
Notable Players:
Everyone on their team is very very good. Up front, their top attackers are Argentinian Sergio Aguero, Englishman Raheem Sterling, and young German Leroy Sane has been emerging as a real force. In midfield, Belgian Kevin De Bruyne is considered the world’s best attacking midfielder. On defense, they’ve got Kyle Walker and Benjamin Mendy. They also have several other players who easily could’ve been listed here.
Liverpool
They are currently winning the Premier League, the (relative) surprise of many analysts and fans. No doubt they are very good, but they still seem to be in Manchester City’s shadow. A recent defeat at City’s hands—which, if it went the other way, would’ve given them a sizeable cushion—didn’t help this narrative. Nonetheless, they are very complete, fundamentally sound team developing a clear winning culture and penchant for excellence.
Current Standing: 1st
You Should Root for Liverpool if: You like a team that seems committed to getting the job done. They aren’t as flashy as Manchester City, but they obviously do the work. Their manager, Klopp, can get quite animated on the sidelines.
Notable Players:
Virgil Van Dijk: Like lock-down defense? The Dutchman, a new addition to the team, is widely considered the best defender in the world, and is largely credited with helping Liverpool to make the leap to the top of the standings this year.
Mo Salah: The Egyptian superstar striker who led the Premier league in goals last season. He also scored this one, which won the Puskas Award (goal of the year), although the real winner should’ve went to Real Madrid’s Gareth Bale, who scored this ridiculous one in the Champions League final...against Liverpool!
Alisson Becker: The Brazilian Alisson, another new addition this season, leads the league in clean sheets, has enabled Liverpool to allow the fewest goals of any team, and maybe more notably from a strategic standpoint, plays a lot with his feet, which, although technically risky, gives the attacking team a huge advantage (think of it like in hockey if the goalie played a bit further up, but also didn’t create a liability on defense).
Happy watching! Also of note, if you watch on NBC Sports, the commentary is extremely insightful, entertaining, and cultivates a respectfully enthusiastic energy for your weekend morning.
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Upcoming Standup Dates:
Thursday, 1/17
No, But What’s Your Real Job? @ Village Lantern, 8pm
Village Lantern, 10pm
Friday, 1/18
Living Room Comedy @ Postmark Cafe (Park Slope, BK) 8pm
Saturday 1/19
Village Lantern, 6pm
Village Lantern, 8pm
Village Lantern, 10pm
Sunday, 1/20
Village Lantern, 6pm
Village Lantern, 8pm
Village Lantern, 10pm
Wednesday, 1/23
Village Lantern, 10pm
Thursday, 1/24
Village Lantern, 8pm
Village Lantern, 10pm